What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 02:38
She married twice! .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
What are some hard truths that MAGA needs to hear?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Can you show your wet and dripping pussy?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Ive learnt so much.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
And i lived it daily.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Epic Effort to Ground Physics in Math Opens Up the Secrets of Time - Quanta Magazine
(And it was in our own minds.)
Who then, do I blame.?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
We were not on the streets..
I could never make a relationship work though!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I write beautiful poetry .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Which scene is considered the most difficult to watch in each of Quentin Tarantino's movies?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
She was in good health!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Can you tell me a depressing story?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
What are some of your shocking stories?
I don,t even have a pension.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
What type of sex do women prefer, oral, anal, or vaginal?
So, i spoilt her more .
I was scared of men, in general
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Have you ever gone to a porn theater with your wife?
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Was to survive, this bastard.
Comes on , in middle age.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
My family never makes their pension either.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
One cannot live in the past .
But, we were locked up after school.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I was 9 years of age.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I said to her
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I waited trembling.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
What did i know ?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Im still living with it.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He knew the spot.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
She wouldn,t have been !
The only rule us 5 kids had .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I have no regrets .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I think the readers, may guess!
When she asked me how she looked .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Put me off passion for life!!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
It was going to be , some day.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
As i do to all so called friends.?
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Would this be the day?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Especially a lifetime of it.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
She found it foreign!.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He resisted the act ,that day.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
But it wasn’t much.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I will be 64.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
All the time i was locked up.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
We all went to grammer schools
I did it because my mum asked me too!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She loved him until the end.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I couldn’t, believe it.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
My life is so biszare .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
So whats the point in blame.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
This is soul school!.
I was seconnd youngest,
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I was very sick at this time too.